


Cruel Summer

by divinedarkness



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Avengers Tower, Before Thor: The Dark World, Clint And Natasha Are Complicated, Developing Friendships, Eventual Smut, F/M, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki is a Softie, Loki on Earth, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Mostly Canon Compliant, POV First Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Praise Kink, Slow Burn, Some Things Are Probably Different In The Timeline, Summer Before The Dark World, Touch-Starved Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-01-30 05:55:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21423274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divinedarkness/pseuds/divinedarkness
Summary: In the summer before the events of Thor: The Dark World, Loki meets Harper Vanek, former PA to Pepper Potts. When she’s reassigned, the course of her life changes forever.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 16
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay here we go! This idea started in my head as relatively simple and then the more I thought about it, it became more complicated.
> 
> The title is the name of a song by Taylor Swift that I think just fits well.
> 
> "I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you  
And I, snuck in through the garden gate  
Every night that summer just to seal my fate  
And I screamed for whatever it's worth  
I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

“Tell him as much or as little as you like. I just need him to trust you, at least enough to get a read on him,” Tony had said, giving me my only real job description.

Get a read on him? As in was he a risk to the Avengers? To the public? To the planet? You know, that kind of casual thing.

***

I had been happy where I was.

Sure, I had a masters and wasn’t really applying it, but I was good at my job. I’ve been Ms. Pott’s PA for about a year now, and in my opinion, have done a good job. Pepper’s even my friend.

Yes, at first I was someone she just picked out of the pile, but we got along so well in the interview that she hired me on the spot, said she had a good feeling about me. That was enough for Tony, who put the paperwork through right away.

I managed her schedule, talked to clients, gave input on some projects, took her calls, emails, you name it. If she needed anything, I was there to get it for her. While this could be exhausting in other cases, Pepper was someone who was easy to work for. She was overly nice, didn’t make frivolous requests, and the location wasn’t bad either.

So you can see why I’d be a little miffed when Tony decided it was time to take my talents elsewhere.

“Vanek, I’m giving you a new job,” he explains as I sit in front of him at his desk.

“Like, on top of being Ms. Pott’s PA,” I ask, confused at this turn of events.

“No, a brand new position. I am moving you within the company,” he smiles like it’s the most exciting news in the world.

“Why, have I done something wrong? Does Pepper not want me as her PA anymore,” I ask quickly, worried that I’ve messed up somehow.

“No, no, nothing like that,” he waves his hand in the air, silencing me, “it’s just I have a situation, and it’s one I think you can help me with.”

I slowly nod, signaling for him to continue.

“A lot of crazy things have happened in the past year, this city specifically. I know that working for us has made you privy to some of the specifics regarding the Battle of New York. One of these specifics being who caused it, am I correct,” he asks, looking at me over the rim of his glasses.

I nod. “I know that his name is Loki, and he’s Thor’s brother. I also know that no one seems to understand why he went through all this trouble, to gather a sizable force just to subjugate us. Also, where he got the army in the first place,” I explain, throwing in some of my own pondering on the matter.

Tony smiles. “Exactly. Even Thor, being his brother, is unsure on the matter as well. Therefore, I thought I should bring in a professional. You.”  


I laugh. I can’t help it. Tony thinks I’m a professional? At what, answering emails and taking coffee orders?

“Laugh all you want, but I’m dead serious. I’ve looked at your file. Undergrad in Psychology and Public Health, Masters in Emergency Management and Risk Assessment. You even have fieldwork experience in disasters resulting from human conflict. You have an impressive resume for someone working as a PA. I figured it was finally time to put those skills and education to use,” he smiles again, sliding some papers across the desk to me.

“And what will this use be,” I ask skeptically, not looking at the papers quite yet.

“I need you to assess Loki,” he states, like it’s the simplest thing in the world.

“Assess Loki,” I echo, thoroughly confused.

“Yes. After the battle, Thor brought him back to Asgard, to pay for his crimes, that sort of thing. Well, I guess Odin’s version of ‘pay for your crime’ is to live in the place you tried to destroy. So, after his trial, he went and sent Loki back to earth with Thor to live here. Of course we couldn’t let him go unsupervised, so he has to live here with the rest of the Avengers, in the tower,” Tony reveals to me.

I don’t know what to think. All this time and I didn’t know that I was under the same roof as a mass murderer. 

“How long has he been here,” I whisper, my voice lowering unconsciously.

“Only a few days. Refuses to really do anything or see anyone. We have his power under control, though, so he’s relatively harmless. Well, harmless for a god anyways,” he sighs.

“And so why do you need me? Couldn’t you go find some professional psychologist or something to hire,” I question.

“I’m not going to outsource this job. It’s too important and on the down-low to bring in someone new. I need someone here that I can trust. That already knows the relevant information and is already proven reliable, and you are the person that fits the bill,” he replies.

I hesitate and he says quickly, “I’ll double your salary.”

I want to say no. I want to run far away from this problem, from this person, this being that could kill me with his bare hands. I want to say that my life is worth more than this, that I am not a martyr who will fall prey to trying to understand the unfathomable. That no amount of money is worth my livelihood. But I don’t say no. The words stick in my throat, relenting.

“Are there cameras in his room? Surveillance,” I ask.

Tony seems taken aback by my question, but answers, “of course.”

“Let me see,” I demand, confused at my own line of questioning, “let me see the surveillance at this exact moment.” 

He still seems confused, but he nods his head, typing something into his computer.

The next thing I know, one whole side of the room has changed. I realise it’s a projection, but I’m still amazed at how lifelike it seems.

I get up from my chair and walk over to the wall, to what now looks like the inside of one of the towers apartments.

There, I see a spacious room with new furniture and bare walls. There are floor to ceiling windows that look out to the New York skyline, currently splashed with the reds and oranges of a sunset.

There’s a man sitting against the windows. His face is pushed back into the sun, bathing him in brilliant light. The sun shines on his raven black hair, and makes his skin look golden, fiery. He’s dressed in all black, his body a void of darkness in the otherwise brightly lit space. There’s a book on the floor next to him, sitting open on it’s spine.

“I’ll do it,” I state, voice unwavering. I tell myself it’s because of the money, because of the pay raise, that I need that money for my student loans and it’s an easy route to paying them off. The thing is, you can only lie to yourself for so long.

“Great,” Tony exclaims, “I’ll get the paperwork in right away. Here’s your copies.” 

I turn and he’s up and handing me a stack of papers.

“I want you to take the rest of the week off. Use the extra time to come up with a game plan, and we’ll start bright and early on Monday. I’ll send you more details in an email later today,” he smiles, ushering me out the door.

***

In said email, he informed me that my access pass has been upgraded to give me clearance to new areas of the tower. The Avengers main floor, which includes the living space, communal kitchen, entertainment area, fitness center and training space, and the pool and showers. I also have access to Loki’s room, and the controls within.

He told me that he would follow my lead on whatever strategy I chose, and that he would convey what I needed to the other Avengers to make sure we were all on the same page.

He also gave me access to past surveillance and interviews/interrogations with Loki.

Which is how I came to be sitting at my kitchen table, papers and notebooks scattered around me, head in my hands.

I poured over the videos, needing to figure out how to play this.

What I gathered is that anger or threatening behavior will get you nowhere with him. Mystery can only get you so far, seeing as he’s the God of Mischief and Lies.

So that leaves me with one main option: being open with him. Well, mostly. Throw him off his game. I need to show him I don’t see him as a threat, even if I somewhat do. I need to show him that I don’t see him as any sort of special ‘other,’ almost like if you were dealing with a celebrity. I need him to feel like I’m comfortable around him; at ease. I can’t allow him to get the upper hand over my fear.

I need to meet his cold with warmth.

***

“Tony, I can’t do this. There are other people a lot more suited for this than me. I don’t want to downplay my own abilities, but I feel like this problem is far over my head. I don’t know why you chose me for this,” I stutter out rapidly, coming to a halt 15 feet from the door ahead, where I know the Asgardian to be housed.

“I didn’t choose you, Pepper did. And that means more to me than if I had been the one to make the decision. She believes in you Vanek, so it’s time to believe in yourself,” Tony smiles, lightly laying his hand on my shoulder, “just take a deep breath and go rock it.” 

I listen to his advice, and begin moving forward again.

There are two guards walking behind us and I come to a stop again. “No guards,” I demand.

“No guards? Aren’t you afraid of something happening? I can’t have you being taken out on the first day,” he frowns.

“If there are guards, it’ll make him close up. He won’t be as trusting,” I insist, trying to get him to see my side of things.

“Okay, if you say so. They’ll wait out here, though, just in case,” he responds.

We get to the door, where Tony shows me the keypad outside for future reference.

“As I said in the email, your badge now has the ability to get you into some new places,” he motions for me to use the pad, probably wanting to make sure it works.

I pull my badge up and wave it in front of the keypad. A light turns green and I see my ID picture flash back at me. The door opens and we step inside.

Once we are past the threshold, I am able to take in more of the space. What I couldn’t see before is that there is a kitchen off to one side, with bright lighting and new stainless steel appliances, right across from the windows. To the side of the living room there is a hallway that must go back to a bedroom and bathroom. Everything a person needs to live.

I’m almost done surveying the room when I notice him. In the shadows, of course.

“Oh Tony, was two not enough? You had the perfect set there with Natalia and Virginia. Why’d you have to go and ruin it with a ternion,” a deep male voice asks cynically.

I feel my face flush, both in embarrassment and irritation. He’s comparing me to the other women here, and only because we share one trait in common.

I can see Tony stiffen beside me, looking like he’s about to open his mouth and say something. I beat him to it.

“Cool it there, Casanova. Geez, I see you really know how to make a woman feel so idiosyncratic,” I emphasize.

He thinks he’s so smart and clever. That’s the main thing I noticed from all the interviews and interrogations, that he sees himself as above everybody else. Well, two can play this game.

Tony laughs, a loud and sudden noise. Loki looks startled. Could I have already thrown him off his game? I smirk. 

“Now I know why Pep likes you so much,” Tony exclaims, jostling my shoulder with his hand.

I can tell he’s nervous around the god. Of course, that would be ones normal reaction when someone tried to take over your planet and now they stand in front of you. Yet, I don’t feel the way I probably should.

I feel electric. Alive. The adrenaline is coursing through my body and I feel ready to take on anything.

“Okay, so, Lucille Ball is here to talk with you. Explain what her job is, why she’s here,” he looks to me, noticing my smile at the nickname.

“Thanks for the intro Tony. I think I’ve got everything I need,” I nod, dismissing him.

He nods back at me, turning and walking out the way we came. Leaving me alone with him.

Loki.


	2. Chapter 2

Nothing happens for a minute or so.

We just stand there, studying each other. My gaze travels from his onyx hair, to his pale features, and down his body to take in his form.

Wearing all black, it’s hard to tell if he has any muscle, but I can see enough to know that he’s tall, lean, and slender. 

All in contrast to his brother.

I can tell he’s giving me the same treatment, only by the movement of his eyes. They cast downward, taking in my green silk blouse and high waisted black pencil skirt. His eyes move back to my head, where my copper colored hair is pulled into a chignon. He looks me over quickly and then settles his face into frank indifference.

I’m the first one to break the stillness.

Knowing I need to seem as casual as possible, I step towards the couch, smoothing my skirt to the back of my legs before I sit. Once seated, I cross them.

“Alright, so…,” I begin, but am interrupted. 

“I am going to stop you right there,” Loki breaks his silence, holding a hand up towards me, “anyone sent here by Tony Stark is no friend of mine, and I have no need to hear anything they have to say.”

I’m dumbfounded. I’ve barely gotten two words out on my own and he’s already dismissing me? Unbelievable.

“You think I was sent here by Tony? Please,” I laugh sharply.

He gives me a withering look, still standing in the same spot, unmoving.

“Well seeing as how he brought you here, he introduced you, and you are working for his company, I would have to think you were sent here by him,” he simpers. 

I grin back at him, and notice his eye twitch. If he doesn’t think I can give as good as he can, he has another thing coming to him.

“Yes, it’s true I work for Stark Industries. It’s true that Tony is for all intents and purposes, my boss. But being sent here by him, that’s a no,” I shrug.

I steel myself, knowing this is just the beginning of the many half truths I will have to tell him.

“I actually volunteered for this job. Tony didn’t give it to me, and he wasn’t even sure if it was necessary. I asked him to give me a chance, and he said yes. So, here I am,” I smile.

“And what is it exactly, that he gave you a chance to do,” Loki asks, sauntering over and sitting opposite me.

“To improve the public image of The Avengers,” I state simply.

He laughs, loud and grating.

“And how do you suppose I fit into that? Not much you can do for the image of a villian, can you,” he says, surprising me with his words.

“Well, I think villain is kind of a strong word to describe you, and also I didn’t know you were here when I asked him for the job,” I reply, shrugging again. 

“Is it though, is it really,” he murmurs, levelling me with a look over the coffee table.

I stare back at him, cocking my head slightly to the side. So far, I’m surprised at how our encounter is going. I expected more hostility, more violence maybe. 

Not that I’m not happy it’s going better than expected. Just surprised.

“I am guessing you know who I am. I do not believe Stark cruel enough to bring you in unarmed with the knowledge of who you stand before,” he clasps his hands together across his lap, “I guess I can say I am impressed with your nerve. Sitting in front of someone you know can kill you with one blow. Who brought an army down upon your planet and your people.” 

I narrow my eyes, being reminded of the time I spent on a plane with Pepper, watching the news coverage of New York being attacked by aliens from the sky.

“Yes, I know who you are. I know that you and Thor are brothers, genetics aside. And I know that you’re not as bad as you make yourself seem,” I look at him thoughtfully, trying to see past the mask he’s wearing.

His eyes flash, a look crossing his face before he settles it back into cool indifference. 

“What a charming little assumption. You may know who I am, but you obviously do not know me,” he smiles, looking much like a crazy serial killer in a horror movie.

“Maybe not,” I murmur, “but if we are going to work together, I will have to get to know you somehow.” 

He stands up fast, startling me.

“You think I will work with you? Some small and weak mortal who is obviously in way over her head,” he laughs bitterly, stunning me further with his words. And here I thought things were going well.

I stand up too, matching him in stance. I’m angry, and the suddenness of it surprises me.

“Listen. You’re not from here, okay. You don’t understand how things work on this planet. We may not be as golden and perfect as what you’re used to, but we deserve some respect. Things are complicated here. And trust me when I say that my job is necessary. The Avengers were my original goal, but now I guess you fall into those duties too. And I am not a quitter. So you can either play nice and listen to me, work with me, or continue to suffer in silence in this room because you’re too stupid to get a clue,” I bite out, my words coming out fast and harsh. 

For just a second, he looks taken aback. And in the next second, I’m up against the wall, a tall god looming over me.

He has me pinned by the shoulders, grip unrelenting. His face is close to mine, and he’s looking at me in anger.

“Why did Stark send you here,” he hisses, breath hitting my face.

I want to struggle against him. To escape this situation I should have known was coming. But I don’t. I stand there against the wall, facing my fear and swallowing down a scream.

I take an even, measured breath before responding.

“Tony didn’t send me here. I told you that already. Do you want to know why I’m here? The real reason,” I spit, staring him down.

His grip on me tightens, eyes narrowing.

He doesn’t say anything, so I continue.

“I felt bad,” I reveal.

“I do not need your sympathy, your pity,” he snarls.

“You still think this is about you,” I laugh harshly, “I told you I didn’t even know you were here. This is for them. Some of whom I knew before they became Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.”

I spit that phrase out, true anger rising in my gut.

“I feel bad for the people they are, the people they were, before they felt the weight of the world on their shoulders. Before they felt they were all that was stopping you and your army or any alien being from destroying the world they call home. I feel for the life they lived before they saved this world.”

“The way I see it, people who give up that much of themselves, give up their whole way of life, deserve to be respected and appreciated. That’s why I wanted this job. I want people to see them in the light I do, so that hopefully they will look back on their lives and the choices they made and know that it was all worth it, that they were not taken for granted. That their sacrifices meant something,” I finish, chest heaving.

I can feel myself close to tears, never realizing how strongly I felt about the subject until this moment. I won’t let myself actually cry, not in front of him, but the burst of emotion surprises me.

He gives me one last burning look, before releasing my shoulders and stepping away.

“Are they really so weak that they need your pity,” he murmurs, quieter and calmer than I was expecting.

“Just because I feel empathy for them doesn’t mean I think they need it, or that they are weak. It’s just how I feel, and I can’t help that,” I reply, shaking out my shoulders. 

They are sore from where he was holding them, but probably not bad enough to bruise.

He’s standing a foot or so in front of me, eyes boring into mine.

“Look, I know you don’t want to be here,” I say softly, moving slightly closer to him, “and I don’t find offense in that. But you are here, and it’s better than being imprisoned.”

He scoffs at that, and I glare.

“Actually imprisoned. Trust me, this isn’t even close to prison. So you might as well make the most of your time here. We have our faults, I’ll give you that, but we can be fun too. New York City is one of the most well known in the world, and there’s a lot of stuff to do, even here in the tower. So suck it up buttercup, because for the time being, you’re stuck with us,” I give him a wry smile.

“Which brings me to my next order of business,” I transition, crossing back over to the coffee table and grabbing my tablet, “I need to know if you have any requests.” 

“Requests,” he asks, seeming confused.

“Yes. I want to know if there’s anything you need that’s not already here. Anything I can get you,” I explain.

I can see him thinking, his eyes darting upwards for a moment, pondering my question. 

When he looks back to me, I can see mischief in his eyes.

“How about a warm body in my bed,” he smirks.

I look at him for a moment, my brain taking a moment to comprehend his statement.

I sputter, cheeks flushing. I can see his eyes glint, can see him taking pleasure in my reaction.

‘He’s testing me, trying to get a rise out of me,’ I realize. Well I won’t let him win.

He’s smirking full on devilishly now.

“Oh so the man has jokes. Well, I’m afraid you’ll have to handle that problem on your own,” I reply, emphasizing the meaning behind my words, “and I’ll assume that everything else here is good and you don’t need anything.”

I can see his upper lip twitch, probably trying to come up with some form of reply. I don’t let him.

I turn by back on him, heading towards the door.

“I’ll be here tomorrow at 10 AM,” I inform him, turning around, “and by the way, my name’s Harper.”

I turn back around and go out the door.

I hear something hit the wall in the room behind me, and can’t help but smile.


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m impressed,” Tony exclaims, swiping a beer off the bar counter, “he hasn’t talked to anyone that much since Thor showed up with him!”

“I admit I was dubious about Tony stealing you away from me for this purpose,” Pepper muses, sipping her margarita. 

Usually on Monday nights me and Pepper would go out for drinks at our favorite local bar. A good way to end the beginning of the week is the way we saw it.

But now since I am working ‘undercover’ for Tony, he figured this was a safer place to talk about my progress than anywhere in the tower.

Less chance of being overheard or something. He didn’t want any of the other Avengers to know the full nature of my work, to make the ruse more believable. 

Hence why me and Pepper’s normal Monday night drinks has turned into “Espionage 101, What Can Harper Do To Get Loki To Trust Her?”

I miss the days when my work was simpler. Answering phone calls from world leaders, getting Pepper classified Stark documents. Believe it or not, that was normal to me. This, what I’m doing now, seems way out of my normal range.

Tony of course had been watching Loki and I’s entire interaction, and made sure to comment on it when we got together at the bar.

“And he even made a sexual innuendo towards you. I don’t know rather to be repulsed at such gross behavior towards my favorite employee, or to be impressed that he’s got some actual human behavior in him. And Thor says they’re above us mortals,” Tony scoffs, taking a pull from his bottle. 

“Favorite employee,” I laugh, Pepper chuckling along with me, “I don’t think that really applies. I may be reporting to you, but I work for Pepper.”

I wink at her, laughing at Tony’s scandalized face.

“Specifics aside, I want to get your take on today’s events. Even though I think it went relatively well. Well, as good as it could be, I guess. I just want to make sure you felt safe, and that you think you can continue,” Tony grimaces, probably remembering back to Loki holding me up against the wall.

“I’m going to continue,” I say with conviction, swirling the ice in my water glass with a straw, “I think I can get through to him. Eventually. It will take a lot of patience, but I think it will be worth it.” 

I look up from staring down at the bar to see Tony and Pepper sharing a look.

“What guys. Come on, I know there’s some secret message being sent through your guys pointed looks,” I laugh and then sip my water.

“We just want you to succeed, is all,” Pepper smiles, setting a hand on my shoulder, “and not to die in the process.”

“Well I want the same,” I scowl, “I don’t have a death wish. I wouldn’t have taken the job on if I didn’t think I could handle a stubborn and moody alien.”

Tony laughs, and Pepper soon follows.

“That’s what we want to hear,” Tony grins.

***

The rest of the evening was spent going over strategy. The main thing we went over was that I felt I needed to hang out with the other Avengers in the tower.

While I doubted that Loki would actually go and seek one of them out for conversation, I knew I needed to cover my bases.

I figure if Loki talked to them and realized I was only spending one-on-one time with him, things would get hard to explain, seeing as I was there originally to work on the Avengers public image.

Meaning I needed to spend time with all of them to see what they were like, to convey something real and tangible to the public. Or so they would think.

I also knew that even though I was needing to visit with them out of the necessity of my job, it was more than that. I was interested in knowing them. 

While all I had told Loki about them giving up their lives and deserving respect was true, I really don’t know much about them on a personal level. They seem like fascinating people, people with all different kinds of life experience.

Tony had agreed that it was a good idea, and I was set to be introduced to them tomorrow. While I felt bad about lying to them, and I have a feeling Tony felt the same way, it was necessary to get what we needed.

We also talked about things I could do to elicit feelings of trust. While I’m not sure if Loki could ever trust me, seeing as how he seems to trust no one (not even his brother), I know it’s imperative to try as hard as I can to at least reach the lowest level of camaraderie. 

The usual ideas came up; be honest and open, be vulnerable, express your feelings, and be respectful. Follow through with your actions, use effective communication, help out when you are able, admit your mistakes. Etcetera etcetera.

Hey, I did study Psychology after all.

While most of those things are ongoing, there was the one about helping out when you can. That got me thinking, and I was able to hatch a plan.

Of course it came to me as I was laying in bed at 1 AM, but it came nevertheless.

***

Well, that was a relatively easy sell. 

I was standing in the communal area of Avengers tower, the floor in between all of the Avengers quarters.

Tony and I had just informed the team what I was there to do, and what it meant.

They had seemed receptive to the plan, and I couldn’t help but feel bad that I was lying to them. That what I was doing had nothing to do with them at all, and that their public image would remain relatively the same. 

“Harper, good to see you again,” Clint comes over and claps me on the shoulder. He and Natasha are the only ones left in the space besides myself, and both come over to greet me. It’s one of the rare times they’re here and not on assignment. 

“Clint, Nat,” I smile at them, happy to already know some among the team.

“So, new job,” Natasha says, smirking at me.

“Yep. Tony thought my talents were wasted as Peppers assistant I guess,” I shrug my shoulders.

“I’ve been saying that for months now. But suddenly when Tony says it, it’s true,” Clint asks, pouting. 

“Yeah yeah. It wasn’t like he buttered me up or anything,” I laugh, shoving his shoulder, “I actually asked for this job. The comments about my talents came after.”

Natasha is still smirking at me, giving me a look I can’t quite read.

“And I’m guessing you’re now aware of our unwanted guest,” Clints voice lowers, eyes narrowing. 

For some reason, his actions put me on edge. I know Clint has just as much reason to hate Loki as the rest of us, and then some, but I can’t help but be bothered by his tone.

“Yes, our intergalactic party crasher has returned,” I mumble, noticing the tension in Clints jaw and the way Natasha subconsciously moves her hand towards him, most likely to provide comfort.

“So I’m guessing your duties involve him now too,” Natasha asks, deciding to cross the distance and set her hand on Clints shoulder.

“Yeah, I met with him yesterday to tell him about all of this. He wasn’t quite as,” I pause, looking for the right word, “accepting as the rest of you.”

“Not a surprise, he has no regard for human life,” Clint bites out.

“Well, thankfully he didn’t go as far as to kill me. But you’re right, he at least has no regard for human culture and lifestyle,” I reply, trying not to bristle at Clints words.

“If he even lays a hand on you I’ll kick him in the balls,” Natasha says fiercely, surprising me. 

It’s funny, in the short amount of time I've known Clint and Natasha, we’ve grown close. I think they kind of see me as a little sister.

I laugh, startling them. 

“Thanks Nat, but I don’t think that would be a good idea,” I laugh again, picturing it.

“Well you should at least know how to protect yourself if you’re going to be around him. Let us help you,” Clint insists.

“Yes. We get so bored here when we aren't on assignment, that we already spend most of our time in the gym and on the shooting range. So let us show you a few things,” Natasha offers.

I look from one assassin to the other, blinking.

While we may be friends, I never thought either of them would be willing to show me how to do what they do. Not that I think I would ever be as good as either of them. The offer catches me off guard nonetheless, and I’m speechless.

“We’ll take that as a yes. See you in the gym at six tomorrow morning,” Natasha smiles sweetly, leaving no room for an argument. 

Clint smiles at me too, and they turn and leave the room.

“Six?” I yell out of the room, but get no answer. 

Shaking my head, I can’t help but smile. 

***

“So you are giving me this why,” Loki asks, looking at the card in his hand like it’s a foreign object. Which to him, I suppose it is.

“Well, I noticed when I was here yesterday that there were barely any books. And I know you like them, so I figured I would give you a chance to choose what you read,” I reply, running my hands along the spines of the few books on the shelf in his apartment. 

“And how is this tiny thing supposed to get me a book. Is it magic? Will a book just suddenly appear,” he asks, glaring at me.

I laugh. Even when I’m helping him he can’t help but be hostile.

“Do not laugh woman, it grates on my ears. Either way, I am sure your assortment of books will not be to my liking anyways,” he states, flicking the card onto the floor.

I can feel my smile falter slightly, and I see a look cross his face before it’s gone again.

“Well it’s either the books you can get with that card or none at all, choose wisely,” I sneer, rolling my eyes at him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him pick the card up off the floor.

“The card has an access code on it,” I sigh, “normally you would go to the library, pick out books, and using that card you would rent them for a set amount of time.”

“So you have communal libraries here, where everyone shares the materials, and you need a small card to take them,” he asks, sounding annoyed.

“Yes. If you didn’t track who took the books, then you wouldn’t know where to go looking for them if they never came back. Or most likely, where to send the bill when the books are not found,” I reply, “and since you can’t physically go to the library, I’ve found a way around the normal process.”

He looks at me dubiously.

“On this screen over here,” I motion for him to come look, “is a database of all the books the New York Public Library has in their inventory. There’s a branch close to the tower, so I was thinking if you found something you were interested in, you could tell me. I would reserve it, and then could go and get it for you.”

He comes up behind me, and is close, his breath falling on my neck. It makes me shiver, and I know I should be afraid at the proximity. But I’m not.

“So this is your card then,” he asks, inspecting it.

“Yeah. Got it when I first moved to New York,” I answer, “believe it or not, it’s the first thing I do when I move to a new place.”

“You like books too,” he says, more as a comment than a question. 

“I had a professor in college that told me to never let an opportunity to learn go. She said no matter the subject, take advantage of a free opportunity to learn,” I chuckle, realizing he probably doesn’t understand what I’m saying, “but yeah, I’ve always loved books.” 

“You need to pay to learn here,” Loki asks, sounding dismayed.

“It’s complicated,” I reply, waving my hand in the air, “but anyways. You can search through the books using these buttons. When you know which ones you want, write a list for me and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Anyways, I have to get going,” I remark, “places to be, people to see. Get started on that list, okay?”

I go to grab the card out of his hand, but he won’t let it go. I look up at him, confused.

I can see what I think is a slight smile on his face, making his features less sharp.

“Thank you,” he says, letting go of the card.

I’m surprised, and it must show on my face, because he smirks.

He turns away, heading towards the back of the apartment, and I can tell I have been dismissed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens! Here's a late holiday update for you all <3

It’s 5:50 when I get to the training room, and Natasha and Clint are nowhere to be seen.

I figure while I have some time, I should stretch. I know from past experience that whatever the physical activity, I will want to minimize the risk of pulling or tearing something important.

After doing some hip and leg flexors, and extensors, I decide to stretch out my hamstrings. 

I’m sitting on the floor, with my legs stretched in front of me and my hands pushed out towards them, when I hear footsteps approaching.

I look at my watch and chuckle. It’s exactly 6 AM.

I look up and Clint and Natasha are standing above me, wearing the same smirk, and the same S.H.I.E.L.D. tracksuits.

“Just make sure to go easy on me guys,” I mumble, feigning despair. 

“You wish, Vanek,” Clint laughs.

And easy on me they did not go.

Yoda I am.

Or, should I say, Padawan.

***

4 hours later and I feel dead.

My body feels like it’s dragging behind me as I walk to Loki’s apartment. My feet throb, my muscles feel like jelly, and my posture is shot for the day.

While it was only an hour of physical activity and another half observing, it’s more than I’m used to. While I try to get to the gym when I can, it has always taken a backseat to everything else I do.

First, they had me run three laps around the indoor track with them. They, as to be expected, handled it much better than I did.

While I know they could have run it much faster alone, it was nice to have someone to run with. It’s probably one of the reasons I’ve never been that into running in the past.

After that, they began showing me the basics of hand-to-hand. Just the beginning stuff, like self defense techniques first.

I couldn’t help but laugh when they instructed me to elbow an attacker in the solar plexus.

“What, are you going to have me instep, break their nose, and then hit them in the groin next,” I snorted, bowing over in laughter.

They eyed me, twin looks of confusion on their face.

“Nevermind,” I laughed dryly. 

What was I expecting? That two of the top assassins in the world would have the time to watch Sandra Bullock movies? 

After the hour was over, they had me observe their sparring session, telling me to focus on their movements and when they made them.

They told me that watching another person fight gives you the upper hand, because you can pay attention to their strengths and weaknesses. It helps you know how and when to attack, and to better counter their movements.

When they were done, and I’d told them what I observed, the three of us walked to the locker room together. 

“Are you sure you guys want to do this,” I asked, still not believing that with the free time they have, they want to use it to train me.

“Of course,” Clint exclaimed, throwing open the door. 

“Yeah. It’s good for us too you know. Training another person helps you focus more on your own skill and all of the individual movements involved,” Nat added.

I opened the door to the locker I was assigned and grabbed out my shower caddy, a towel, and some flip flops. 

“What, don’t want to go into the princes lair smelling like sweat,” Clint teased, rummaging around in his own locker.

“Not really. I’d never hear the end of it if I did. I’m sure you’re aware of how prim and proper Loki is, and I don’t want more fuel on the fire for him to throw at me,” I said over my shoulder, walking into the showers.

***

“Loki there’s hundreds of books on this list,” I say in disbelief, looking at the paper in my hand.

“And,” he asks, sounding annoyed.

“And, I can only rent fifty books at a time,” I reply.

I’m still staring at the paper, kind of amazed that he took the time to write out all of the names of the books. There are literally hundreds listed, as I tried counting them all and lost track somewhere after one hundred and three.

His handwriting is neat and elegant. A unique script, with long strokes and large curves. I have to admit, it’s beautiful.

“What kind of nonsense rule is that,” he asks, still sounding just as annoyed.

“Well,” I start, looking up towards him, “it’s an insurance policy of sorts. It ensures that if someone were to take out books and ruin them, there would only be so many lost at a time. Yes, they would get the money to replace them, but that takes time.”

He gives me a contemplative look, and then nods his head in understanding.

“I will choose the fifty I want first then, and give you a new list tomorrow,” he states, walking over towards the windows overlooking the city.

“Sounds good,” I reply, typing some reminders into my tablet.

I’m standing at the kitchen counter, across the room from him. He’s turned halfway towards the skyline now, looking out at it, so I take the opportunity to take him in fully.

He’s wearing all black, as usual. Today, though, it’s a suit. 

Matching black suit jacket and pants, black dress shirt, and a black tie. He’s even got on black leather dress shoes.

From the design of the jacket, I can tell that his ensemble is Armani, and can’t help but be surprised that Tony would be supplying him with such expensive brands.

His hair is slightly curly today, slicked back and falling to rest at his shoulders.

On any other man, I would be repulsed, reminding me too much of rude and overtly sexual guys from the 70’s.

On Loki, though, it works, and makes his overall look that much more handsome. 

It might be something about his cheekbones and the squareness of his chin, or his green eyes making the rest of his features more defined and striking.

He reminds me of those beautiful black cats you see, all sleekness and grace with their onyx fur and piercing emerald eyes.

Then I hear the door to the hallway open, and the spell is broken.

Loki turns to look who has come in before I do, and I see his entire demeanor change.

His posture before, which is still much better than mine, had a bit of casualness to it, a sort of relaxation in his stance.

Now, he’s standing stiff and straight, all of the relaxation gone from his shoulders.

I turn to see who can make Loki close up in such a way, in such a fast manner, and see a man walk in.

A man with shaggy brown hair, stubble on his jaw, and moles dotting his neck and face.

“Cameron,” I say, surprised, “what are you doing here?”

“Tony said I should come talk to you,” he replies, surveying the room.

When his eyes fall on Loki, they narrow, then he slides them over to me. 

“What about,” I ask, folding the case over the top of my tablet.

“He wanted to let you know I’m now a member of your personal security,” he discloses, nonchalant.

“Personal security,” I echo, confused.

I can see Loki staring at me from the other side of the room, his eyes flitting between me and Cam.

“Tony has appointed me as your personal bodyguard,” he clarifies.

I shake my head, surprised by this new information. 

“And he doesn’t think it’s any kind of...conflict of interest,” I say carefully, for some reason nervous to be bringing this up in front of Loki.

Cam doesn’t seem to catch onto my hesitation, as he answers, “why, because we’re seeing each other? No, he didn’t seem to care. I think his exact words were, ‘you’ll be more motivated than ever.’”

He gives me a lopsided grin, seeming more at ease than when he first entered the room.

I finally look at Loki, curious to see what he thinks of this whole exchange. 

His face looks about the same as always. Unimpressed and passive.

But there’s a glint to his eyes I haven’t seen before, and I don’t know what to think of it.

“Leave it to Tony to change up the usual rules,” Cam continues, smirking.

“Yeah, no kidding. Well, this announcement comes at a convenient time,” I grab my tablet off the counter and begin walking towards the door, “I suppose it’s time for me to go check in with the others.”

Loki is silent, still looking between the two of us with what looks a lot like contempt.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” I say to Loki, it coming out more like a question than a comment.

“I will have that list for you,” is all he says in return.

I nod, turning fully and falling into step with Cam as we leave the apartment. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him smiling to himself and can’t help but follow suit. His smile has always been contagious.

“So how are things going with emo-boy in there,” Cam asks once we are in the hall, throwing his arm over my shoulder and jabbing the thumb of his other hand behind us.

“Generally okay,” I answer, blowing out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. 

“Learning anything from him,” he asks, “other than how to dress like a witch?” 

At this he laughs, and I feel his body shaking from where it’s connected with mine.

Just like everyone else, Cam thinks I am working on the Avengers press image. I thought if Tony appointed him as my bodyguard, he would at least tell him what he was getting himself into, but alas, I guess not.

“Just that Asgardians can be very full of themselves,” I laugh with him, not wanting to say much more than that. 

I’m about to reach for the elevator button when he stops me with a hand on my shoulder.

“Harper, you know I will protect you, right,” he asks, suddenly serious.

I look him in the eyes, and bring my hand up to rest on his.

“I know, Cam. But it’s not your job,” I say softly.

He raises an eyebrow at me.

“Okay, well technically it is. But you know what I mean,” I huff, “I appreciate that you care so much, and I know you want to keep me safe, but I am the only one that can be responsible for me.”

He smiles, a slight lift to the right corner of his mouth, and moves his hand up to cup my face.

“I guess what I’m saying is that if something happens to me, don’t think it’s your fault. I don’t want you to feel responsible,” I whisper.

“I’ll try not to,’ he chuckles, bringing his other hand up to my face.

I bring my hand down to press the elevator button and Cam walks me backwards into the doors. 

“You know it’ll be pretty embarrassing if someone is in there,” I laugh against his mouth, not quite kissing yet.

“Then let’s hope no one’s in there,” he breathes, closing the gap and kissing me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys! I went to visit a friend this last weekend and so I was away from my computer. Here's an extra long chapter :)

“You need to think of the weapon as an extension of yourself. Not an object you are using, but something that is a part of you,” Clint explains, standing beside me.

We are in the gun range, and today's lesson is on knife throwing. Yesterday I had been instructed on gun use, and it went just about as well as today is going. Badly.

“So it’s like my arm is a little longer, and sharp at the end,” I snicker.

Clint just raises his eyebrow at me and throws his knife in a quick motion towards the target.

Bullseye.

I sigh, and then glare at him.

“You make it look so easy,” I complain.

“Well, I have been doing this for like thirty years,” he smirks, throwing another knife at the target.

“Don’t worry, soon enough you’ll make it look just as easy,” Nat encourages, leaning against the wall behind me, “well maybe not ‘as easy,’ but still easier.” 

I turn and look at her with a deadpan expression.

I see the left corner of her mouth turn up and we both burst out laughing.

“Okay, okay. Practice and all that, I’m aware that’s how one gets better,” I drawl, sliding my fingers over the knives on the table to my right, “but I think some skill is involved too.” 

“Follow my instructions and you will have all the skill you need,” Clint insists.

I huff, and pluck one of the knives from the table. I assume my stance, bring my arm back at the angle Clint had shown me earlier, and then close my eyes.

I think about Clint’s advice, and take a deep breath. I imagine the knife is part of my hand, something that I can control and move around at will.

I imagine myself throwing my arm forward, until it is me who is hitting the center of the target, not the knife, not just an object. A complete being.

I open my eyes in a flash, and throw my arm forward. 

The knife arcs as it leaves my hand and slices through the air.

It’s airborne, and then barely a second later it’s buried in the center of the target.

“No way,” I blurt at the same time Clint is yelling, “yes! That’s what I’m talking about!”

“It can’t be that easy,” I breathe, still staring at the target, astounded.

“It is if you’ve got a great teacher,” Clint laughs, elbowing me in the side.

“And soon enough you’ll be able to do the same thing with a gun,” Nat adds, coming up to stand beside me. 

I smile, looking from side-to-side at the both of them. 

“Impressive work Lady Vanek,” I hear a voice boom behind me, and I turn in surprise.

It’s Thor, coming through the doors from the training room. 

I have yet to really talk to him, aside from the meeting I had with the whole team.

“Thor, what brings you to the shooting range on such a fine day,” Clint jests, throwing his arms out in an open gesture, indicating the space.

“I came for Lady Vanek,” Thor smiles, looking towards me.

“Just Harper, Thor. You don’t need to call me ‘Lady’ anything,” I grimace, grabbing my bottle of water from the table and taking a drink.

“Very well Harper. I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to Loki’s chambers,” he asks.

“For what reason,” I respond, eyeing him.

“I’m trying to convince him to come out and socialize more, the recluse. To interact and partake in the daily life of the tower,” Thor explains, beaming. 

“And you need my help with that,” I laugh.

“I think that if we team up we can get him to come out at least once, even if just to get us be quiet,” he simplifies, looking hopeful.

I ponder it for a second, and then dramatically sigh.

“I suppose I could help you out. I was headed there next anyways,” I smile at him, “just let me clean up a little.” 

I gesture at my person, indicating my gym clothes.

“Very well. I will be waiting outside the training center doors,” Thor informs me.

I say goodbye to Clint and Nat, and head towards the locker room. I quickly strip down, run a damp rag over my arms and neck to wipe away any sweat I accumulated, and get dressed in my work clothes. 

Today’s outfit consists of a forest green v-neck dress with cap sleeves and a gold zipper running the expanse of my back, and a pair of black ankle strap heels. 

I let my hair down from its bun, and run my fingers through it.

Lastly, just a little bit of makeup. A quick application of eyeliner and mascara to make my eyes more dramatic, some highlighter to my upper cheekbones, and a quick swipe of red lipstick.

Good enough.

***

“Come on Loki,” Thor bellows, “you cannot just stay in here all of your days.” 

“Well it is what I have been doing so far, so I think I am able,” Loki grumbles, giving his brother the side eye.

Thor just grunts, like they’ve had similar arguments before and he’s getting tired of Loki’s shit.

I try to stifle a giggle, but can’t help it, and the sound spills out from my lips.

Loki whips his head towards me and glares.

“Is something funny,” he asks, teeth clenched.

“You guys have an interesting dynamic,” is all I say in response.

Loki continues to glare.

“Thor’s right, though,” I add, “I know you’re not happy to be here, but like I’ve mentioned before, you are here. So while here, you may as well enjoy your time. It’s not good for a person to be cooped up by themselves all the time. Alone-time is one thing, complete isolation is another.”

“Complete isolation? Remember, dear, I do have the misfortune of being visited regularly by you,” he notes.

I flinch back, surprised by his words. I shouldn’t be, but am.

While he’s continued to be rough around the edges, things between us have tended to be much better than the first day.

I turn away, not wanting him to see how his words have hurt me.

“I don’t think I qualify as socialization, seeing as we hardly talk anyways,” I retort, “most of the time I’m here is spent in silence, while you sit in the shadows and read.”

“Would you rather I do something else in the shadows,” he purrs.

I turn around and look at him, mouth agape, eyes wide.

“Now Loki, I will not have you making Harper feel like a harlot,” Thor jumps in, defending me.

“Is that not what she is, the little minx? She seems to have all the men here wrapped around her finger. Especially that boy, oh what was his name,” Loki ponders, tapping his chin, “oh yes, Cameron. I can only imagine the things she has done to earn his unwavering loyalty.”

In a second I am standing directly in front of him, chest-to-chest. My fists are clenched, my breathing harsh, and his face looks so unsurprised by the turn of events that it just makes me angrier.

I bring my hand up, intending to slap the look off that smug face of his. 

Unsurprisingly, he catches my wrist before my hand makes contact.

Stupid gods.

“Now sweetheart, is that the way to a man's heart,” Loki reprimands.

“Well certainly not to yours, seeing as how you don’t have one,” I spit, ripping my arm back from his grasp and stepping away.

I’m rubbing my wrist, and when I look up at his face, he looks...hurt.

Ugh, like he has a right to act hurt after the things he said to me.

“Well this has not gone how I wanted it to,” Thor cuts in, startling me. I had forgotten he was there. “I tried at least,” he adds.

I’m still looking at Loki, trying to read him. His face has morphed into something more akin to resignment. 

“Yeah, same here,” I agree gruffly.

With this, I turn and walk out of the apartment. 

***

“You want to what now,” Tony asks incredulously. 

“Have Loki be present at your next party,” I explain in simple terms.

“For what purpose,” he questions.

“To test out how he behaves in public. I know you have been wanting me to evaluate him so you know if he’ll be fine for sure, but I can only figure out so much when he’s isolated,” I insist.

“So you want him to be at a party where there will be important business partners and civilians, as a test,” he glowers.

“Yes. From what I have gathered, and will continue to gather once he comes out of his apartment more often, I think it will turn out fine. Loki may be an asshole, but he’s an asshole who cares about his self image. Before, when he tried to take over, he didn't care. He figured if he was successful, he would be ruling and it wouldn't matter if people hated him because he'd be in charge anyways. You see it in a lot of dictators. But now that he's here, and having to stay at more of a normal level of power in society, I think he understands that he can't be too much of a pain. Of course we can’t let people know who he is exactly, but if we give him a fake name to use, I think it will be a good test to see how he behaves among other humans,” I assure. 

“And what if he refuses? What if he decides to tell people who he really is,” Tony worries.

“Well, who are they going to believe? The Avengers, or a crazy guy at a party, who’s probably drunk or delusional? It’s not like he has a way to prove it to them, seeing as his magic is impaired and all the footage of him from the attack has been censored,” I appeal, bringing up some documents on my tablet, “here, I’ll send you what I have so far, and the list of contingency plans I’ve created in case things go sideways.” 

“I’ll look these over and think on it. If I agree, you have the hard job in convincing him to even show up,” he laughs bitterly. 

“I suppose I do,” I agree, ending the conversation.

***

“Here, I brought these for you,” I announce, coming inside.

It was evening now, and the sunlight was fading outside the windows.

After I left Loki’s apartment earlier, I had taken some time to cool down. Of course, Cam had asked what happened when I came outside fuming, and when I told him, he about marched back inside to threaten Loki. 

I of course stopped him, not wanting to provoke Loki further.

During this time I went to the library and got Loki some of the books he wanted.

I was carrying all of them in a cart, which I wheeled into the room behind me. It felt like a scene right out of Matilda.

“What’s this,” he asks, grabbing one of the books off the top of the pile. 

“Well, they didn’t have everything you wanted, so I used some of my human expertise and grabbed a few books I thought you would enjoy. They’re classics,” I explain, huffing. 

“The Fellowship of the Ring,” he reads, examining the book closely.

“Yep. First of three books in a main series. Written about 70 years ago and based off of some of the authors experiences during one of our worlds largest modern wars and his own thoughts on topics such as industrialization, mythology, religion, and language,” I explain, cringing at how much I sound like the nerd I know I am.

Loki doesn’t seem to mind, though, as I see his usual disinterested face turn into something closer to fascinated.

I move further into the room, bringing the cart over to the bookshelf. I begin picking the books one-by-one out of the cart and line them up.

“I am sorry for my words earlier,” Loki apologizes suddenly, startling me.

I finish putting the book I was holding on the shelf, and turn around to face him.

I must have a look of incredulity on my face, because he smiles a small smile.

“I am telling the truth. I am sure that the boys worship of you has more to do with your radiant personality than any act you may have performed,” he justifies, looking me straight in the face.

It’s almost unnerving the way he addresses you. Humans, well at least the ones I’ve met, tend to avoid eye contact and find it daunting.

“Radiant personality,” I repeat, tittering. 

“Can you not see it,” he asks, cocking his head slightly to the side, “are you dense girl? People tend to align themselves with you, and though I know humans tend to protect things they find beautiful and therefore vulnerable, it is more than that. Yes, they find you alluring, but they stand beside you, and find allurement in your personality, in your actions. Not just in your face.”

I just stare at him. I’m confused and flattered by his words.

“But we warned,” he continues, “for some, it takes more than a pretty face, more than a captivating naiveté.” 

With this, he turns and faces the window. I come to recognize it as his ‘I’m done dealing with your idiocy’ signaling.

“I don’t know why Cameron, or anyone, feels the way they feel about me,” I admit, surprising myself with the openness and vulnerability I’m displaying in front of him.

He doesn’t turn, but I see his head move slightly in my direction, so I know he’s listening.

“I’ve been on my own for a long time. There was a point in my life where everything was going right for me, and then suddenly it wasn’t. And then, eventually, I came here. I met all of these amazing people. The kind that people like me only dream of meeting, of being friends with. And Cameron was one of those people. He was caring, funny, and supportive. I wanted him, but he was all of the things I told myself I didn’t deserve. He wanted me too, though, despite all of my flaws and issues,” I confess.

Loki’s still facing the window, and hasn’t turned towards me.

“And all of these events brought you here to me,” he states, no question in his tone.

“Not just you,” I remind him, annoyed that he’s bringing himself into this.

“Tell me dear,” he goes on, ignoring me, “did your parents ever warn you about monsters? Things that hide in the dark?” 

My stomach churns, and the air becomes thick. I feel cold all over, and then suddenly I feel a flash of heat. 

“They did,” I stutter out, tongue feeling heavy in my mouth, “until they died.”

At this he finally turns towards me. I expect some sort of apology, for him to say he’s sorry like everybody else does. But he doesn’t, and I can’t help but feel relieved at this.

“What happened,” is what he says instead.

“Car accident,” I reply, before realizing he probably doesn’t know what that is.

“They were in an automobile that got hit by another and they didn’t survive it,” I rephrase.

“I see,” Loki replies, nodding his head at me.

Not knowing what to do, I stand there feeling awkward, and look for something to keep my hands busy. I notice that there are some things scattered on the kitchen island and decide they could use some organizing, my usual move when I’m anxious. 

I move towards the kitchen, breaking the stillness of the room. I see Loki move towards the bookshelf out of the corner of my eye. He’s examining the books, running his fingers along the spines and quietly murmuring to himself. Probably reading titles. 

I set to moving things to their proper place on the countertop. Cups into the cabinet, newspapers into a pile for the coffee table, etc. 

While moving things I notice a few pens on the floor and bend to pick them up.

Behind me I hear a grunt, and something hit the floor. I stand up and turn towards the sound.

Loki’s standing there with a book on the ground in front of him. He’s looking down at it in surprise, and I notice the tips of his ears are pink.

“What happened,” I ask, confused.

“Um, nothing,” he replies, inarticulate for the first time since I met him.

He bends down and grabs the book off the floor, and I shrug my shoulders and continue organizing.

“Thor mentioned earlier that he offered to instruct you in the ways of the sword,” Loki begins. 

“Yeah. He saw that I was training with Barton and Romanoff in various endeavors and offered to teach me. I told him I wasn’t sure how useful it would be, seeing as no humans really use swords today, but figured it couldn’t hurt,” I reply, unsure why he’s bringing it up.

“Sounds intriguing. I think it is something I would like to see,” he cajoles, smirking.

“Well why don’t you come sometime,” I offer, figuring it’s a good way to get him out of the apartment, possibly the only way.

“Maybe I will,” he responds simply.


	6. Interlude; Harper Gets Real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I have not forgotten this fic! Things in my life have just been hectic.

Okay I lied. When I told Loki I had been completely on my own, I mean.

See, this is where Henry and Isolde come in. You might be asking yourself, ‘who?’ 

Well, I haven’t really talked about them for a reason.

They’re my secret. Which sounds ridiculous, I know. How can people be a secret?

By not telling anyone at work about them.

Not even Cameron has met them, or knows who they are. I’ve mentioned them in passing, but not who they are to me or anything that could lead someone to find them.

I don’t even have them listed as my emergency contact.

And when I talk about them, I don’t use their names, just refer to them as ‘my friends.’ 

But that would be doing them an injustice. They’re not just my friends, they’re my family. My chosen family.

I was almost done with my first four years of college when my parents died. I didn’t know what to do.

I didn’t want to fail out, since I was so close to the end, but it was really hard. I kept thinking about how if the accident wouldn’t have happened, my parents would still be here, would be able to make it to my graduation, which was only about a month away.

The school told me I could take some time, pick back up the next semester.

But what was the point? I was almost done.

To make things even more tragic, my long term boyfriend up and dumped me.

No reasons, no explanations, he just ended it and left. Moved to San Diego I heard from some mutual friends.

We had been dating for five years at that point. We had started dating in high school, and came from a smaller town. He knew all of my relatives, and was a part of the family at that point. We dated all through college, through the good and the bad.

Then, my parents died, and he left me soon after.

It was hard. I tried to find a reason. I even told myself at times it was because I was so depressed and who would want to be with someone like that?

But then I told myself that's bullshit. The people who love you are supposed to stick around when things are hard for you, no matter how sad you are and how much that pains them. You would do it for them, that’s what they're supposed to do for you. 

But even with both tragedies, I graduated undergrad with a good GPA, and a passable GRE score. 

I applied and was accepted into two graduate programs. I knew that now since I was completely on my own, I needed to be very careful with my money. There was money I got from my parents estate, as their only child, but I wanted to save that. Save it for something really important, an investment my parents would be proud of. 

Therefore, I chose the program that gave me the most funding, and a position as a graduate teaching assistant. I worked two jobs outside of that to keep myself going, and it was hard to make friends with very little free time.

I met people through my program, and we got along okay I suppose, but they were more just acquaintances and colleagues than friends. 

And then I met Henry and Isolde. 

They were in graduate programs too, just not in my department. I met them through a campus club where people would get together and play different board games. It was mostly meant for stressed out grad students wanting to relax and focus on something else other than academics, which is exactly why I was there.

That is where I met them.

Henry and Isolde were kind of a package deal, and that was more than okay with me. When I met them, they were already married, and about two years older than me.

Henry was getting his PhD in History with an emphasis on Oceania and Samoan culture. Isolde was getting her PhD in Political Science.

They both wanted to be professors, and move to NYC after they got their degrees. 

When I met them, something just clicked. The three of us became friends almost instantly. 

I had things in common with the both of them, and then things we all had in common, and this made talking about things very easy.

Soon enough I was at their apartment almost daily, and we would all hang out together constantly. 

I remember asking them if they got sick of me, saw me as an unwanted third wheel, but they just waved my fears away, telling me that they were more than happy to have me around.

When I told them more about my history, they were compassionate and caring, and helped me find a good therapist to go to.

Which was much needed.

When we graduated, them with their PhD and me with my Masters (we ironically were set to get done at the same time), I decided to move to New York City as well.

I figured there was really nothing back home for me, and New York was such a large city that I should be able to find something to do with my degree. 

They got a house, since they had secured jobs as professors. Henry at NYU, and Isolde at Columbia. 

I rented a small studio apartment in Manhattan, and worked a few retail and food service jobs until I was able to get my job at Stark Industries.

While we didn’t see each other as often as before, we were still as close as ever, especially when they started having problems conceiving.

They were secure in their jobs, and were ready to start a family. They tried many times to get pregnant, but nothing seemed to be working.

I was there with them through it all. The pain, the sadness, the anxiety. The feelings of failure.

Both of them were convinced that something was wrong with them. They would never admit this to each other, but in confidence, each of them told me they were afraid that they were the problem.

Henry was worried he was infertile, or had too low a sperm count. Isolde was worried she wasn’t ovulating, or that something was wrong with the structure of her uterus and she just wasn’t fit to carry a child.

I told them about how a woman I knew through work had gone through IVF, and mentioned that maybe they should consult with a doctor about it. 

So they did, and about a year later they had a newborn baby girl.

She was born on July 17th, 2010, and she became the joy of all three of our lives.

They named her Katherine, a name which made both the historian and the political scientist happy, and appointed me her legal godparent.

Because of this, and our long standing friendship, I go over to their house every week, on Sunday afternoons for brunch.

And it’s also why I am very protective of them, especially as an employee of Stark Industries and a close friend of Tony Stark, where you know there will always be people who want to get back at him.

So when they ask at our normal Sunday meal when they are going to meet Cameron, I panic.

They don’t know how much of a secret they are to me. It would be hard to explain, to get into the true nature of my work. They wouldn’t understand.

So I say, “Actually, we just broke up.”

They look at me with twin looks of downheartedness. 

“It’s okay, it wasn’t a serious thing,” I reply, lying. About both things.

They still look sad, probably thinking back on my history with relationships and feeling bad that yet again, Harper is alone.

But they leave it alone (for now), and change the subject.

“So, anything new happening at the tower,” Henry asks, cutting Kat’s pancakes for her. She is only three after all. Well, almost.

“Not really,’ I reply, shrugging, “though I have been given some new work responsibilities.”

“How exciting,” Isolde responds, standing at the counter and filling up some glasses with juice, “what kinds of responsibilities?” 

“Well, now instead of answering phones for Pepper, I’m working on the Avengers press image,” I lie again, shoving some eggs into my mouth. 

I feel bad for lying to them so much today, but I feel it’s necessary. Like I said, they wouldn’t understand all the intricacies of my secretive work life. 

“That seems like quite a big job,” Henry comments, “but they definitely need it. And if anyone can do it, you can!”

I blush. I’ve always been bad at receiving compliments.

I don't respond, and we move on to discussing what we want to do for Katherine’s birthday, which is coming up in a few months.

I look over at her, happily eating her pancakes, and smile.

She looks at me, coos, and goes back to stuffing her cheeks with syrupy breakfast food.

Things are good.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not forgotten this fic! Things just became really crazy. But now I'm back with a new chapter. Yay!

At this point, I had been in my new position for about a month. Things, in my opinion, were going well.

Tony had yet to throw a party, and part of me thinks deliberately, so we hadn’t had a chance for Loki to be observed in a semi-public space yet.

But even without that, Loki was slowly becoming more social. The first time he came out of his apartment, it was to watch Thor teach me some sword-fighting techniques. 

The whole time me and Thor were working together, he stood in the corner and watched. I admit it was distracting, as even when my back was to him, I could feel the burn of his eyes on me. He wouldn’t say anything, just stand and observe. Then, as soon as we were done, he went directly back to his apartment. 

The next week, though, when me and Clint and Nat were practicing our hand-to-hand, he and Thor walked into the training room together. We had been just about done, and when we left I paused in the doorway to the locker room, Clint and Nat already inside.

I saw Thor roll out his shoulders, and I saw Loki remove his jacket and pants. I panicked, not sure what was going on, until I noticed that he had on shorts and a tight fitting black tank-top on under his outfit.

I could feel my cheeks heat up, both in embarrassment and something I didn’t quite want to put a name to.

***

On a Monday, after spending some time with Steve (we like to talk about life in the 1930’s; him to reminisce, me out of curiosity and a genuine love for history) and checking stuff out in the lab with Bruce, I was ready to do something that involved physical activity.

My body, at first, had hated the continuous assault, but after a few weeks of training, I was actually craving some cardio or some martial arts.

I was in the training room, in front of the punching bag, when I heard the door open.

I turned to see Loki striding in. 

“Harper,” he simply greets me, nodding his head.

He brushes past me and goes straight for the shooting range. 

I can’t help but huff, blowing some hair that had fallen in front of my face away.

I continue my training at the punching bag, getting back into it.

That is until I hear simultaneous loud thuds in the other room. 

Confused, and worried, I run towards the shooting range where I know Loki had gone.

When I enter I notice that there are five knives buried in the center of the nearest target, one used for archery practice (put here mainly for Clint), but that we sometimes use for knife throwing. 

Standing across from the target is Loki, appearing nonchalant. But I can see the tug of a smile at the right corner of his mouth. 

“Where did you get the knives,” I ask, confused and somewhat afraid. It was one of the conditions of Loki staying in the tower, that all weapons needed to be kept locked away and only certain people had the passes to access them. 

“Thin air,” he replies, waving his hand in an encompassing gesture.

“Uh huh,” I mutter, unintelligently. 

Ignoring him, I walk over to survey the scene. The knives themselves are buried deep in the target, indicating that much strength was used to throw them. But what I notice most is the hilt of them. Shiny gold, black leather wrapped strategically around the center, and shining emeralds. They’re beautiful. Too beautiful to be used for target practice, and too beautiful to be any weapon from the tower. 

They are ornate, well-crafted, and luxurious.

Which just about describes Loki himself. What a fitting metaphor. 

“These are beautiful,” I remark, pulling one out of the target and running my finger over the blade. 

The blade itself is black, made with some form of dark metal. Some type of material I haven’t seen before.

Curiosity gets the best of me, and I push my finger harder against the blade. 

It doesn’t take much to cleanly slice through my skin, blood welling up from the wound.

“Ouch,” I exclaim, sucking my finger into my mouth to stop the bleeding.

I hear a sharp gasp, and look up towards Loki, almost forgotten in my fascination over the elaborate craftsmanship.

He’s resolutely looking away from me, ear tips pink again. 

“Where are they from,” I ask, curious.

“Asgard,” he replies simply, still looking away from me. 

“I’m guessing they’re a secret then,” I pointedly look at him.

“Yes,” he murmurs, finally looking at me.

I can feel my eyes widen, and my mouth drops open a little in shock.

His eyes are dark, green almost completely lost to the black of his pupil.

“Okay,” I reply, panicking yet again, and bury the knife back into the target.

Then I turn and hurry out of the room.

***

After the confusing, and frankly mortifying, incident with Loki, I was sure to plan out strategic times to be alone in the training center. 

It’s not a big deal to be with other people when he shows up, but I just keep getting weird feelings whenever we’re alone. Ones I don’t want to think about.

I tend to blow things out of proportion. Things that are not as important as I make them out to be.

But in this job, this position, I know I can’t avoid Loki forever, whatever the reason.

I manage to go two days before I get called out on it.

“What’s going on Vanek,” Tony asks, frowning at me from across the desk, “ I haven’t gotten any Loki updates from you in a few days.” 

“I’ve just been using the last few days to go over what I have. To make sense of it and to see what I should be trying to do next,” I reply, not lying but also not completely telling the truth.

“I’m sure you are, but there’s more to it than that. I know you can do those things and still visit Loki at least once a day, so I know there’s something else going on,” he ponders, until something akin to enlightenment dawns on his face.

“You’re avoiding him,” he exclaims, poking his finger in the air like he’s had a major revelation. 

“No,” I lie. Badly.

“Don’t bullshit me Vanek,” he says, not unkindly, “I get enough bullshit from everyone else in this company. But from you, with what you’re handling, I can’t allow it. It’s too important.”

“I understand,” I mutter, looking down at my hands clasped in my lap.

There’s a moment of silence, and then Tony asks, “did he do anything to you?”

He sounds angry, and I look up to see both concern and contempt in his expression. It’s almost funny, if you disregard the situation.

“No. No, he didn’t do anything to me,” I reply, sighing.

“Did he say something,” he asks, gentler.

“Well, he says a lot of things, but nothing I can’t handle. It’s not him,” I mutter.

“Don’t tell me, it’s the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ situation,” he sighs dramatically, making me crack a smile.

“Something like that. Sounds corny, I know. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again,” I say with conviction, more than I feel. 

“Okay, if you’re sure,” he replies dubiously, ending the conversation.

***

“Are you even trying today Vanek,” Clint laughs, grabbing my hand and helping me off the mat.

“Yes,” I grumble, rubbing at my lower back once I’m up.

“Not that I don’t enjoy watching people fall over, and beating people of course, I can tell that somethings up with you. You’re not giving it your all like you usually do. You’re distracted,” Nat muses, watching me. 

“Or maybe I’m just bad,” I glower.

“No, you’re actually kind of a natural,” Clint points out, “but even naturally gifted people need to be fully present mentally to do their best.” 

“So what’s going on then,” Nat asks, crossing her arms and looking at me.

Cling follows suit and then I’m suddenly on the receiving end of a double spy stare down.

No pressure or anything… 

“It’s nothing guys, really. I’m just tired is all,” I lie, something I find myself to be doing more and more of lately. 

Which I hate! I’ve never seen myself as a liar. I’ve always been that person people go to when they want brutal honesty. Of course, because of what some people say about that, it has given me somewhat of a complex about it.

But that’s a discussion for another day.

“Oh it’s the whole ‘I’m tired’ excuse now,” Clint mocks.

“I AM tired,” I snap, bringing my hand up to wipe sweat from my forehead.

Which in and of itself is true, as I haven’t been sleeping well the last few nights.

“Yes, but there’s still more to it then that,” Nat says, a little gentler, “you know if you need to talk about anything we are here. And we ARE spies, so we know how to keep a secret.” With this she winks at me.

I can’t help but crack a smile.

“I know,” I blow out a breath, “it’s really nothing. It’s just my brain being a flat out idiot. I’ve always been an over-thinker, and lately it’s been bad even for me.”

“Well what are you thinking about. That’s the main thing we have to look into. If we see where your original thoughts are coming from, maybe then you can try and control how they spiral,” Nat suggests, pulling me to sit on the floor.

Clint follows suit and then we’re sitting in a circle in the middle of the training room. 

How did I end up here?

“It’s just Loki,” I seethe, “he gets into your head so easily. And he doesn’t even have to try.”

Out of the corner of my eye I see Clint tense up, and I see Nat put her hand on his knee to calm him.

“What do you mean,” Nat asks carefully.

“Well, I consider myself pretty good at reading people. Maybe not spy level, but pretty close,” I throw them a wry smile, “I’ve always been very intuitive and instinctive. But with Loki, it’s like none of that matters. I might as well throw it all out the window! I can never get a read on him. The things I think I’m sensing can’t be true, and things I’m not sensing are probably going to come back to bite me in the ass one of these days.” 

“And you need to get a read on him for your new job, correct,” Nat asks, and I can hear a smirk in her tone.

I look up and she’s smirking just like I thought.

“How’d you find out,” I sigh, knowing now that they know, and have maybe even known the whole time.

“Girl, come on, we're SPIES. Even if you and Stark think you are good liars, we have our ways of finding out,” Clint points out.

“And you guys aren’t mad,” I ask, confused.

“Of course not,” Nat replies, “we know that in our lines of work there are going to be secrets, and reasons for those secrets to exist.”

“Yeah, like Nat said. And while I’m genuinely bummed that no one is really trying to make us look better to the world, I understand that your job needs to be done. And why there needs to be the secrecy behind it,” Clint reassures me. 

“Why do you think Clint and I insisted on training you? We knew that if you were going to be diving into the snake den, you needed to have some tricks up your sleeve,” Nat explains. 

“And we are kind of mad at Stark for putting you in this job untrained, but that’s why we took it upon ourselves. And will continue to, because you still have a lot to learn,” Clint gives me a goofy grin, and I smile at them.

“But still, if Loki does anything to hurt you, I will come and cut off something important,” Nat remarks, sounding perfectly calm and serious.

“Remind me not to mess with you guys,” I giggle, “anyone who does is certifiably crazy.” 

“You got that right” Clint chuckles.


End file.
